When Wonderful Weekends Go South

Somedays my head is just a flood of thoughts and I have a hard time streaming together sentences that make sense, and today is definitely one of those days. I was having a really good relaxing weekend that included friend time, nice weather, shopping, and some new furniture, and then I looked at my phone last night. You know when you get those texts and your heart immediately starts to thud in your chest before you even open it? Yeah it was one of those. It was from my best friend from high school (her mom is a cop in our home town). I could only see the first two words and it was the name of a girl we were never very close with.

When I opened it I found out this girl had just died in a car wreck. This isn't earth shattering news, because like I said we weren't very close to her, but it just makes my heart hurt. We are from a town of less than 10,000 people and something about knowing that so many people around you are hurting so much just kills you. Especially since this particular girl's family shares a fence line with my dad's shop. I also think  that people my age in our town have a particularly sensitive response to death because every year we were in high school and two years after someone we went to school with died. The odds of this are astronomical. I don't know how one little valley can hold so much hurt and heartbreak.

When I went to college I was shocked when I realized this wasn't a normal thing. Most kids don't have classmates who died. My mind has a hard time grasping death. It's so unfair, and seems so illogical. They were just here how can they be gone? And then I immediately begin thinking what could of been different so it wouldn't of happened? I think being exposed to so much death before you turn 20 kind of warps your mind... All I know is my heart hurts for my home town, I'm tired of death. I thought the curse had finally been broken only to find out that it came crashing back taking someone who was so vibrant and loved by so many. The worst part of the whole story is that she was less than a mile from her house. Less than a mile from being safe. And if it would of happened 10 seconds later she wouldn't of been on a hill, and she probably wouldn't of died. Death is a cruel thing, that I don't think I will ever understand.

Falling Off the Face of the Earth

I'll say a little about my trip to Moore, but I think I'm kind of a day late and a dollar short on that one... These last two weeks have been CRAZY!!! Getting everything together for Moore, going to Moore, and then recovering,. Sprinkled in with 2 trips to Laramie to drop of the dog and pig him up, recovering from the Bolder Boulder, and working a full time job... My time management skills are poor on an easy day and these last two weeks were far from easy! I haven't touched my running shoes or the gym since the Bolder Boulder :-( I'm disappointed in myself, but life happens and sometimes you need a little break.

 

 I actually packed my running shoes for our trip to Moore, but we didn't get there the first night till 11, were up at 6 on Sunday, didn't get home till about 10 on Sunday, were up at 8 on Monday, and weren't home till about 9, then Tuesday when we drove home by the time I got back from getting the dog it was after 10 :-( There just wasn't time. I know that Monday and Tuesday morning I could of "made time", but I was EXHAUSTED and embracing every minute of sleep I was getting, plus the hotel gym was out of commission and I wasn't so sure about running outside since I didn't know the area very well... I wouldn't say I fell off the wagon because I'm itching to get my fitness on, BUT I would say that I'm probably dragging behind the wagon holding on for dear life! I made a deal with myself to go to bed early last night and get up and run today, but I didn't fall asleep nearly as early as I wanted too, and I didn't pop out of bed till 7 :-( yes I could of still made a run happen, but it would of been rushed, and my runs tend to be uber crappy when I don't have time to eat before them. And for the first time in FOREVER I feel caught up on sleep and like a real human being again so I don't regret it one bit! Sometimes you need mental health days! I signed up for the community color run tomorrow FOREVER ago (it was the first race I signed up for), so I'm still going to do it, but I'm definitely downgrading to the 5k from the 10k! I'm hoping I don't die!

 

On another note I am jumping back on the My Fitness Pal bandwagon. I only used it for a few weeks, because I thought I could do it without it (and I'm lazy), but I know that I am definitely going over my calories with all my snacking and I need it to hold me accountable! I just realized this morning that in 2 weeks I will be waking up in Vegas :-) I know I am not going to transform my body in 2 weeks (Hell I've had 4 and 1/2 months and haven't made progress!), but I am going to work hard and eat right so I can feel good about myself and the effort I put in when it comes time to put on a swim suit.

 

And now time for a little Moore recap... I don't even know what to say honestly. The devastation is so overwhelming, and heart stopping that it just makes you gasp when you see it. The pictures really don't do it justice. I truly can't imagine being in these people's situation. I don't know how they literally pick up the few pieces of what's left of their life and begin to piece it back together. Yes, I know it is just stuff, but still it's your whole life! I wonder how they do basic things like get to work? Along with their home's there were thousands and thousands of cars that were just smashed into unrecognizable bits. And what about all their work clothes? Yes, there were TONS of clothes donated, but do people donated nice work clothes? Where are they going to live? Yes they are in a hotel now, but is that where they stay for a year or more till their house is repaired? Where will they get meals when everyone leaves? The red cross, salvation army, and butterball have all already left town. What happens to them then when they are still in hotels without kitchens?  My heart just breaks for these people, I really don't know how they do it.

 

The most amazing thing though was the positive attitude that so many of them had! I think after 3 major tornadoes they all just have the attitude that it is just stuff and at least they are alive. When you see how everything is just GONE and what is left is completely mangled you really grasp how much of a miracle it is that the death toll isn't higher. You never want to say only because every single one of the 24 lost is a tragedy, but it really is amazing that the death wasn't in the hundreds. We stopped by the Orr Family Farm on Sunday evening to see if any of the horses were still there and if they needed any vet supplies (they weren't they have all been moved else where), and Dr. Orr happened to be the one we found when we got there. He stopped and talked to us for 15 or 20 minutes telling all about the damage and the day it happened. He said when he came out of his house the first thinig he saw was that all his barns were gone, but one so he immediately began thinking of the elementary school (his property runs right up to Briarwood Elementary)  which he couldn't see either. He said he thought for sure everyone had to be dead, that there was no way they could of survived, and sure enough that is the school where they ALL survived.

 

I had two favorite/most impactful moments from the trip. The first was on Sunday when we were dropping off our people donations to the church, the pastor took the time to stop and talk to me. He was telling me all about the community, and his congregation and then he stopped and he said you know the best part of all of this is that I never had to ask for any of it. All I said was I've got space and all of this showed up. It made me smile somewhere deep inside my soul, I love knowing that there is still good in people, and that things like this still happen. The second moment was Monday when we were helping Dr. Orr clear trees from drive (he's in his 80's so it definitely wasn't something he himself could be doing, although I have no doubt he would of tried!) he came by right before we finished and he said "you know the funny thing is right before my wife passed away she was saying she wanted to get rid of all these trees. I bet she is up there chuckling now, knowing that even though she is gone she is still getting her way." The positive attitude of those who were SO affected blew my mind. I don't know how they do it, I think I would be a bitter upset wreck if it happened to me. Being "Oklahoma Strong" really is a bred of their own. They are pretty amazing.

 

 

Some of my favorite furry friends I met

Donations to the animal shelter, they had another cart of them and we had at least this much that went to the humane society

First pulling into Moore

Driving down one of the Main streets

Pulling into the Orr Family Farm the red barn is a part of a kids play land he had. It had trains, zip lines, merry go rounds, and all sorts of fun things for kids and most of it will have to be torn down and re built

The only barn where the horses survived

More of the kid's area

The piles of debris along the road were huge! And there is still SO much left to clean up

The second tornado also brought massive flooding :-( This was Sunday and the water was just barely below flood stage

Hard to below those were cars

Church we dropped donations off too, there were several other tables, a whole WALL of water, and then they had more tables set up gong down another hall way

More of the donations

 

 

 

 

I haven't died!

I just got back from Oklahoma last night about 10 I will do a long post on that experience tonight, but I just wanted to say something so you knew I didn't fall off the face of the earth :-) I just uploaded all the pictures and now I'm off to work! Happy Hump Day all!!! Here's a little preview:

One of my furry friends I made

Orr Family Farm

Orr Family Farm

Across the street from the hospital

More Bolder Boulder and A Little Oklahoma

They posted the pictures of the Bolder Boulder yesterday :-) Some people got a whole bunch of pictures, but I only got 4 :-( but considering they completely missed me at the Diva Dash I guess I won't complain. I can't copy the pictures to my blog, but I will post a link. I also found the pictures from the fast and furriest (aka the worst race ever) yesterday so I will post that one too. I make some seriously photogenic faces in both, but at least in the fast and furriest I have my little dog who looks pretty sweet in them! My legs also look like massive disgusting tree trunks in the Bolder Boulder ones, yuck!! Nothing like a few pictures to knock you down a peg or two when you start feeling better about your body! The camera adds 10 pounds right? Here's the link to the Bolder Boulder photos:

 

http://www.marathonfoto.com/10K/Bolder-Boulder-10K-2013/LastName/SMITH/BibNumber/FA317/offering/myMarathonfotos/RaceOID/07972013S1/Language/en?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=0%20Proofs%20Online%20ENG-SPA%20br%20(30)

 

They sent me an email yesterday that had this link that goes directly to the pictures of me which was pretty awesome! No having to look through mass amounts of pictures to find yourself, or having to check back to the website a bunch of times to see if the pictures are up! And here are the links to the fast and furriest pictures:

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fastandthefurriest/8691820464/lightbox/

 

My dog looks like he is having such a good time in this one and I just look miserable and like I am dying (I was!)... I remember seeing the camera person at the end and thinking I don't even care what I look like I just want this damn think to be over!

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fastandthefurriest/8691819122/in/photostream/

 

I love how determined my monster looks in this one :-) I however still look like I am dying! I was trying to figure out why I had something stuck to my boob in this photo, and then I realized nothing was stuck to my shirt it was the bottom of my bib and I was holding it in my hand. I was so ready to be done with that race that I had ribbed it off before I even finished haha!

 

Even though I have tree trunk legs, I know I am getting in better shape because I felt a thousand times better when I finished the Bolder Boulder than I did when I finished the fast and furriest! I think a lot of my issue at fast and furriest was that I took out the first mile too fast, my phone wasn't working so I was worried about that, we were trying to get my friend a qualified time for BB, my dog was all over the place, my headphones where tangled and kept falling out, and there was the whole biffing it in the middle of the course. It just was not a good race for me! I also hadn't ran at all pretty much the whole week before so that certainly didn't help at all! I still haven't made it out to run this week GRRRRR!!! I went to bed at 8:30 last night thinking I would definitely wake up with plenty of time to run going to sleep that early, but I didn't. My monster got me up at the crack of 7:15 so it was already too late to get in a run :-( I'm definitely feeling lazy, but I have been running 9-0 all week so I know my body needed the sleep! 

 

We are leaving  tomorrow at 7 for Oklahoma so I am seriously doubting I will get a run in tomorrow morning, but maybe in the evening when we get there? We'll see what happens. Tonight I have to take the monster to my good friend's to watch him while we are gone. He loves when she puppysits because he gets spoiled rotten and she has a dog he loves to play with! I'll leave you with my race break down and a couple pictures that we took at the BB.

 

Overall place: 19,015 our of over 49,000

Gender place: 7,792 our of 23, 273

Division Place (just 23 yo females): 244 out of 520 (certainly not amazing, but I'm just proud of myself for 1. finishing! and 2. being in the first half)

Overall time: 1:07:37.05 

Overall Pace: 10:52 

Mile 1: 10:58.11 

Mile 2: 11:04.44 

Mile 3: 11:27.77 

Mile 4: 11:03.21 

Mile 5: 10:33.18 

Mile 6: 10:36.07 

Last .2: I calculated it out the other day, but now I have forgotten I think it was like 1:40 something? I know it was the fastest part of the whole race for me!

 

Like I said those middle miles just kill me! They are where I need to do the most work. I think most of it is mental, but I will definitely be putting in some treadmill work to help work on it.

 

 

before the race, oh so happy!

 

After the race, not quite as happy and pretty sweaty and growdy!

Bolder Boulder Recap!

Ah so sorry this is so late I actually wrote this out on Tuesday at work, but then I forgot to email it to myself, and yesterday was just CRAZY! We were supposed to be leaving for Oklahoma today, but they have another storm coming through where they are really likely to have more tornadoes, so we decided we didn't want to be driving through that! We will be leaving Saturday instead now.

 

Trailer is filling up!

 

Mission accomplished!! I not only survived the Bolder Boulder, but I ran the whole thing AND stayed under my goal pace!!! It was slow… like turtle slow, but that’s how I have been running lately so I just stuck with my “happy pace”. There was a group of people there called team turtle and I definitely should have been a part of it! My goal was to stay under an 11 minute mile, so about 1:08.00 was my goal time, and I squeaked in at 1:07.37! The website says my pace was 10:53  a mile so for me and what I have been running lately that’s not terrible. I definitely want to work on my speed and get down under 9 minute miles and someday I would really like to get down to 8 minute miles J

Finish area

 

 The course was pretty fun not tons of spectators, but certainly plenty to keep it interesting. We had a pretty early start time though so there certainly could have been quite a few more for the later times. Not sure how many people in life really want to wake up at 7 to stand on the side of the road to watch runners. They were handing out grapes, doritios, jello shots, and water, definitely some interesting race day aid J (By the spectators not the official race aid stations). My favorite part was that when we ran through neighborhoods several people had hoses and sprinklers set up for us to run through, which was definitely nice to cool off with J They had quite a few bands, but I ran with my headphones in the whole way. It was a super well run race and everything was really organized. We left right on time, everything went as planned, and even though SOOO MANY PEOPLE RAN IT crowding really wasn’t an issue on the course. I got passed A LOT at the beginning (even by people 2 and 3 heats behind me L we started a minute apart), but I never felt super in the way and there was always plenty of room for people to pass. Even at the water stations it wasn’t too bad. They had TONS of volunteers handing out water so I never had to break to a walk when I stopped for water.

We had stayed the night in North Denver at one of friend’s house the night before that way we wouldn’t have to wake up at like 4 in the morning (we slept a whole extra hour till 5). We were late leaving and I kind of started to panic, but luckily traffic wasn’t too bad and we got there only about 10 minutes behind schedule. I had been worried about parking, but we found a safeway not far at all from the start and parked there. We followed the flow of people and found the start no problem. We got pretty luckily with our parking spot we were only about 4 blocks away! Having an early start definitely had it’s advantages even if it did leave us sleep deprived! We made it to the start area and picked up our bibs about 6:55. We had no problems picking up our packets and it was smooth and fast. We headed over to the fed-ex trucks to do our bag drop, and also had no problems. Everything in the start area went super smooth! We were still kind of worried about time so we were hurrying through, and even though I put on sun screen I did it super fast and DEFINITELY missed most of my back (I did however thoroughly coat my hair which made for some nice mats in my little fly away hairs). 

Start area, this was as the heat in front of us was leaving, when we first got in our coral we couldn't even see the start

Right as we got to where the corals were lining up the one in front of us was passing by so it worked out perfect. We jumped in ours and ended up almost at the front of it. It was just a few minutes after 7 so we were enjoying the start area and everything going on when I realized I had pulled a total blonde moment and forgotten my timing chip in the race packet!!!! I really started to panic and I ran back to the back drop and luckily they were just shutting up the truck. The lady was super nice and found my bag for me, and I found my timing chip pretty easily. Definitely still having some rookie moments! Although I found the chip I missed the little zip times to attach it to my shoe so I just put it through my shoe strings and tied it on. It definitely got my heart pumping and gave me a good little warm up though.

 

 

Right before we started we found out CU’s basketball coach was running with us which was kind of cool, but we never saw him again after the start. The gun went off and we started and I immediately thought there was no way I was going to make it through the race without peeing my pants/finding a porta potty. I had been hoping it was just pre-race jitters making me feel like I had to pee since we had made a bathroom stop on the walk to the race (in a porta-potty not just on the side of the road!) but the more I ran and jiggled my bladder the worse I had to pee! About a 1.5 miles in there were porta-potties set up but there was already a line and if I was going to stop I didn’t want to have to wait in line so I kept trucking figuring there would be some more at the 3 mile aid station.

 

Go time baby!!

 

The first aid station was at the 2 mile mark and there were aid stations every mile after. I had planned on taking water just at 2 and 4, but by the time mile 5 rolled around I was panting up a storm so I grabbed another water. I drank half and dumped half over my, I felt like a pro :-) (Really I had just seen the guy in front of me do it and it seemed like a good idea). The course was really well marked it had signs for every mile and km, which was nice for those of us who were counting every step trying to figure out exactly how much further we had to go (who would do that?). The beginning was only bad because I could think about nothing, but how bad I had to pee, through one of the neighborhoods a guy had a sign that said restroom and I seriously almost took him up on it. There ended up not being another set of porta-potties till mile 4 and by then I didn't have to pee as bad so I decided to wait till the end.

Mile 3 was definitely the hardest for me! I don't know what it is about the mid-run miles that kill me, but they sure do! It felt like it took forever long, and it definitely felt the hardest I felt like I was NEVER EVER going to get to that half way point. I knew in my head that once I got there I would be ok, that I would be on the downhill side of things (which is funny because between mile 3 and 4 is the steepest). I really played a lot of mental games with myself through this mile, and was feeling like there was no way I was going to make it through the whole race. I just kept trudging along though and pretty soon I saw that mile 3 banner.

The night before we talked to my friends parents who had ran the Bolder Boulder before. They helped us out with the time to get there, how long the drive would be, partking, the course, etc. They said that between mile 3 and 4 it is mostly all uphill, and then that there is another hill going into the stadium. Once I hit that 3 mile marker I just kept telling myself one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. I've noticed that when I have to run hills if I look down instead of ahead it makes it easier for me. It's like I can focus just on these few steps instead of all of what is ahead of me. I really expected like some huge monster hill (it looked that way on the elevation map) or the whole mile to be pretty steep (my worst nightmare), but it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. It was a little bit uphill most the way to "the hill", but nothing crazy and honestly I think the whole first 3 miles where a little bit uphill. about 3.75 we rounded a corner and there was "the hill", it was definitely a hill, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just kept my head down and plugged along and pretty soon I was at the top and there was a sign saying "course summit, sea level is for sissies!!" and I loved it! It made me smile, and I knew for the first time that I was going to make it through this race. I had mastered the hardest part and I was 2/3 of the way through!

The rest of the race kinda seemed to breeze by. I kept checking in with myself asking how I felt, if anything hurt, what my "gas tank" was at, and honestly I was feeling pretty good! I was smiling, giving high fives, and giving thumbs up to people with signs. My favorite sign was "Worst parade ever!", and my favorite shirt I saw was PR or ER (that's the lucky thing about being new to running everything is a PR!). Once I went under the mile 5 banner, I had a little emotional moment because every step was further than I had ever ran before! I was feeling pretty good, and I was really proud of myself! I was not only running this last mile that was further than I had ever ran, but I wasn't feeling like I was dying through it either! I continued to feel pretty good till about the 9km mark and then my gas tank started getting a little low and my legs were starting to feel tired, but I was so close so I just tried to think about that. There was a pretty SERIOUS hill before you get to the stadium luckily it was pretty short. Funneling into the stadium is the only place it got a little crowded and made me a little nervous having to weave through people. The hill was making a lot of people break to a walk, and I didn't want to get stuck behind someone and have to walk. After the monstey hill we had to keep going uphill on the ramp into the stadium, and  then we ran a lap around the stadium. I was figuring it would be a 400m length and I was really dreading it, but luckily it was just the football field and it was made even smaller so it wasn't bad at all. I was so excited to see the finish and know that I was going to make it! I knew from previous experience that I didn't have much sprint in me, so I waited till the final corner and then I put everything I had into it! Which was surprisingly more than I thought I would have, I think I probably could of picked up the pace throughout the race a little, but oh well.

Finish Line

 

All in all it was a really good first 10k experience. I'm proud of myself for making it through it, and meeting my goals (even if they are turtle paced goals). My right hip and knee were sore after the race, but nothing the next day or since. I think I just have weak IT bands that I need to build up. The worst part about the dang race was that after you finish they make you walk up ANOTHER really steep hill to get to water/Gatorade, return your time chip, and get your goodie bag. I felt a little like dying then, and decided that is a really cruel joke. We got goody bags that had lots of treats, the shirts were fitted not huge baggy ones so that was nice too, and they had official race photographers and the pictures should be up TODAY. I haven't ran since the race... womp womp!!! I have been beyond busy today this week, but I am going to try and get out today and get a run in. I will post my splits tomorrow because this is already the longest post ever!!!

 

Sunday Funday

Well last night's run certainly didn't go as planned... without fail when I REALLY need my running app to work it doesn't! I got 21 minutes into my run and realized that it wasn't tracking distance grrr!!! I turned it off and started again hoping it would start working, but I had no such luck. Luckily where it stopped working was where I turned around earlier that morning so I knew I was about 2.1 miles. I kept trucking it out and got to a really pretty spot that I didn't know the path lead to. Even though the scenery was pretty I was feeling YUCKY, the Mexican I had for lunch just wasn't jiving with the run. The path led to the community college here in town so once I hit the end of the path I wussed out and texted the BF to come get me. He was playing golf so I had to wait till he finished to come get me so I did some ab/hip flexor workouts and just enjoyed the evening. It did start getting a little chilly towards the end though!

 

The outside of my knee also really started bugging me and I don't know what that is all about because it hasn't happened before. I'm hoping it was just some weird tweak because dealing with injuries is no fun! I tried running around the soccer field where I had ended up, but the uneven ground seemed to bug it even more :-( When I went out for my morning run my old blister (that's finally almost healed!) was bugging me a little bit too, and I realized it was the first time since I got it that I hadn't covered it in something, which was another reason I quit early. When I went out for my evening run I tried using the Dr. Scholl's blister protector, but it wasn't quite big enough and it bunched funny. I just don't think they are ment to be used on that part of the foot! I ended up getting ANOTHER small little blister :-( I don't know what the heck is going on! I just got adjusted by the chiro on Friday so that really shouldn't be happening! He also has looked at my shoes and says they are in good shape and shouldn't be giving me blisters so I don't know what the dealio is. My new orthotics came in, but he said to break them in slowly and start with short runs. I am also supposed to be wearing them around when I'm out and about, but I just love my flip flops and haven't been wanting to sport tennis shoes with my outfits! Haha terrible excuse I know! I plan on doing a 4 mile run this afternoon so I am thinking I will try them out, I already have a blister so it can't go much worse than it went without them!

 

Tomorrow is going to be really TOUGH and I am still really bummed with myself that I didn't train the way I should of. This is supposed to be a fun race, but instead it is going to take every ounce of my energy just to get through it, and I'm really worried I will have to walk. I almost feel like I should just say screw the entry fee and not go... If my running friend hadn't signed up with me I think I would of. It just seems like it's not even worth it to go if I'm not going to be able to run it. I am feeling pretty much like a failure which stinks :-(

 

In happier news here is a photo dump from the last few days

 

The bf and I last night he had a lot a little to much to drink last night... sometimes he has a hard time remembering he isn't still in college... he has yet to get out of bed yet today

 

A picture I snapped last night while I waited for the bf to come get me :-)

There's a lot of sleeping going around this house today!:-) He's too cute I just wuv him!

This is what my house looks like right now! Plus there are 3 boxes in my car and the bf's truck is FULL I think we might need a semi to get all these donations down there haha

 

Happy Memorial day I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!!! And wish me luck that I don't die tomorrow!

 

 

A whirlwind

Whew! So much has gone on this week  I don't even really know where to start! To start with the amount of donations I have collected for Moore, OK is incredible! The graciousness of everyone involved has been awesome and has really made my heart happy. I have WAY too much to even think about actually shipping, so I secured a ride on a truck for everything.... and I will be joining her! I met a girl from Salt Lake City whose family lives down there and lost everything in the tornado. She had been donating to red cross and encouraging others to do the same, but when her uncle went to them to ask for help they turned him away without so much as a bottle of water because he has insurance. Because of this she decided to take a truck and  trailer full of donations down to hand out to EVERYONE in need. She will be passing through Cheyenne on her way and I will be jumping in with her. I have never met her in person before, but I believe in the power of good and I have faith it will work out! We will spend 1 day passing out our donations and 2 days helping with clean up, and then she will be bringing her mom and cousins back with her since they don't have a house anymore :-( I'm really excited for the trip and for the first time in a long time I can say I'm really proud of myself! I set out with a goal and I made it happen and it grew even bigger than I could of imagined.

On the flip side of this those I have REALLY slacked at working out/eating well/blogging this week. I definitely need to find a better balance in my life, and get better at time management. I have always struggled with time management and I really need to get to working on it. I hate that just because I start getting passionate about something new I let everything else slide. I am also struggling to find a balance with finding time for the BF he has definitely been feeling a little neglected this week, and I can't really blame him. I know I need to make more time for him, but it is all just a part of getting better with my time management.

I haven't ran since Tuesday and even though I ran Monday and Tuesday I haven't had any good runs this week. I went out this morning for a run and it was AWFUL. I broke to a walk at 1.5 miles and quit at about 2.1 and walked back home. I felt like a total loser and I think it was mostly a mental game. It was HOT, I didn't drink enough water before I ran, and I hadn't eaten anything. I was really really really struggling and I decided I was better off calling it quits and trying again tonight when it cools off. I knew I should of gone earlier this morning, but when I got up at 7:30 I was still EXHAUSTED so I went back to bed about 8 and slept till 10 eek! I haven't slept that late in forever! I know I know I should of just gotten up and gotten it done, and I know that is part of my learning time management, but it didn't happen. Tomorrow is a new day and I will do my best to do better!

I'm hydrating up and going to eat a healthy snack that way I have NO EXCUSES when I head out tonight. I NEED to make it 6 miles! I am super nervous I won't be able to make it through the race on Monday, but I know most of it is a mental game and I just need to get my head in a good place and go! The last 5k I did I hadn't ran enough and I DIED at the end, I also think I went out too fast and that was part of why I was so dead at the end. I'm just going to find my happy pace and go with it and not worry about all the people who are going faster than me. I have been doing more strength training so I hope that will help me get through this run! I hate being under prepared and I HATE that I haven't been putting in the effort I should of been. I was thinking on my run earlier how proud of myself I was when I made it 5 miles, and how disappointed I was in myself that I hadn't kept going and kept pushing myself like I should of.

Life is full of highs and lows and I have had both of them today! I am going to just keep plodding along and try to have fun on Monday. It won't be the end of the world if I have to walk on Monday, but I REALLY DON'T WANT TO! And I don't think I will have to. If I can make it 5 miles I can make it 6 miles. I CAN AND I WILL!!